rainy day

It’s a rainy drizzly day. Not much to do on a day like this except think about things. Of course my condition always enters my thoughts. As much as MS is a physical disease it has a very high mental component. I’ve always said it is a disease that messes with your mind. If you have relapsing remitting you’re always wondering about when the next relapse will hit you. If you have progressive you always wondering how bad is this going to get, how will I deal with it.

Today I have to admit a certain amount of guilt feelings. You may wonder why that is. The reason is that I no longer am able to do much of anything for myself. My caregivers are burdened with the entire load of taking care of me. I feel guilty because I can do nothing to help them.

I sit here and meditate upon the joy I have in Jesus. I listen to music and hear hymns like “Worthy is the Lamb” and “When I Finally Make It Home”. My heart soars when I dwell on these things but I’m no earthly good and then feel guilty. I really wish I could do more for myself.

I get to drink coffee, read, meditate and scratch the kitty’s chin. I also get to watch the hummingbirds and the finches. Pretty rough duty, Aye?

So my main thought today is God bless the caregivers!

My Blog's Purpose

I had been wanting to start a blog for quite a while. Even before I had to quit work. The problem when I was working is I didn’t have time. When I was no longer able to work I found my hands don’t work very well and I couldn’t correct the voice recognition that my iPad had. Earlier this year I purchased a PC and have found the Dragon dictation software allows much more usefulness. I still have problems with my hands and a pastor from our church Brian H., Help me set it up and get going.

I have never felt comfortable posting quite a number of things on Facebook. This will give me an avenue to share things I would not normally post. I will link some but many I will not. Please feel free to peruse my blog and share as you wish. My plan is to post two or three times a week.

back to reality

 After having Tom (son) and his dog Atlas here for two weeks it’s back to reality. My wife comes home from work and gets me up around 9:30. I am here by myself till around 1:00 PM when Matt comes (son) and gets me lunch before he goes to work.

Some people have voiced a concern for me that I’m here by myself. I really don’t mind it and I’m glad I still have a small amount of independence. I can still get around the house in my wheelchair, listen to music, read e-books and watch TV. I can go out on the screen porch when the weather is good. It is been fantastic these last few days. I can get out of the house if I need to for safety reasons. It is getting back in the house that is a challenge and so I don’t go out much by myself.

One of the reasons I don’t mind being alone is that when I was 25 I received Jesus Christ as my Savior, Lord and companion. I can say I’ve never been alone since that day and seldom felt alone due to his divine and real presence.

I also have a wonderful companion in Macy, my cat. When I am here alone she is often perched on my leg and tipping her head back so that I know she wants her chin scratched. She has some very non–subtle ways of communicating. One must always do what the kitty wants  done and everyone will be happy.

Tom has been here for the last two weeks with his one-year-old lab named Atlas. They left this morning. Tom and Atlas have been here quite a bit this summer. We keep hoping Macy and him will become friends. She is a very stubborn, passive-aggressive cat and is very reluctant to put up with the happy puppy. We have found they will coexist on the bed when I am in there. I guess this is baby steps. Atlas still can’t figure out why the cat doesn’t love him like everyone else he comes in contact with. Oh well she is a typical cat.

Yesterday I finished a book titled “Jacob the Liar”. The story was about a Jewish man who was forced into a Jewish ghetto in Germany during World War II. Jacob was told by a guard to go to the German ministry office. Up until then no Jew would ever come out of that building once they went in. Once Jacob was in there he ended up behind an opening door and could overhear a radio transmission. The radio said the Russians were attacking a town 200 miles from their location. Jacob was then told to go to a specific office. In that office was a German that asked why he was sent there. He was sent there by a guard who told him he was violating curfew. The Jews in these ghettos were forbidden to have watches, jewelry or much of anything for that matter. Jacob did not know what time it was when he entered the ministry building. Once he was in the office he found out from the attendant that the guard was just playing a joke on him and it was not yet curfew. The German told him to leave which was in itself an oddity.

This is how the story begins and Jacob knows no one will believe him about his trip to the German ministry. No one had ever come out of there. The news about the Russians was too much for him to contain and he ended up telling one man, Mischa. Of course Miska, tells someone who tells someone and the news is out. The Russians are close. Over the next few days Jacob substantiates his claim knowledge by saying he had a radio. Of course radios were forbidden and possession of one was a capital offense. This begins Jacobs run of lying. The people clamor for report each day and he perpetuates the lie to report the Russian progress. This news raises the hopes of the Jews in the ghetto and Jacob feels constrained to continue to maintain the people’s spirit.

This is an outstanding book. There have been so many books written about World War II and this is another that captures the heartbreaking cruelty that humans are capable of. It also captures the spirit of living on in spite of evil. Of course this book ends sadly but the author adds an imaginary ending that he wishes that happened.

Silly Pup

in this photo we were trying to get Atlas to put his paws on my arm rest so I could give him a biscuit. He misunderstood and jumped right up on top. I tilted back to see if he would lay down. He thinks he's a lap dog. In his mind he is still 12 pounds of cute.

 

This is Atlas, he is Tom's one-year-old Labrador. Macy has never warmed to him. He is here for over a week with Tom. He is a very affectionate dog. Occasionally Macy will let him come close but usually she runs and hides under the bed. He can't understand why the Kitty doesn't like him. Silly stubborn Kitty.

One year later

Well it's been about a year since I was no longer able to work. The thing I feared most was getting bored. That hasn't turned out to be a problem. I find a sleep more which takes a part of the day. I read much more than I have for years. I started with book Bub which has e-books for under three dollars. So now I can try out new authors and not feel bad if I don't like them. I have found a new category. It is historical fiction. I really like these - they take overall history and make up a character and really interesting story. The day to day  details they show are very interesting also. The best one so far was about the Mongol Empire and it's contact with European civilization.
I started doing crossword puzzles on my iPad. This works great because when I get stuck I can just get one letter rather than seeing the whole puzzle in the back of a paper book. I get about 4 to 5 new crosswords each day. The cat keeps me company and I have the birds to look using their feeders.
I have a great support group which is mainly my wife and our youngest son who lives close by. Tom visits when he can which is about once a month on average. We see Dan one or two times a year which is about the most he can do being stationed so far away.
It was sad not being able to work but I have to admit it's not as bad as what I feared.

This is a continuation on Tuesday's thoughts. This is my condition now. My condition in the main photo on this blog I could still get around with a cane. Now I am confined to a wheelchair and require a tilt seat to keep from falling forward. When weather allows I go out on the porch and Macy joins me by sitting on my legs. She seems afraid to go out there without me. She's a silly kitty.

Tuesday's thoughts

Tuesday I spent an hour and a half on the screened porch. Macy sat on my lap and I listened to music, watched the scenery and meditated. I thought of those wonderful verses in Matthew that  have been with me since I became a Christian over 30 years ago. These verses still lift my heart today.

 

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11:28-30‬ ‭KJV‬‬

So many years ago I learned it was a person that you come to for relief from a burdened soul. Not a creed, a religion or an organization but a living person, Jesus, the mediator between man and God. I found that soul rest he mentions and found his meek and lowly spirit were beautiful and are challenged to live up to.

In the intervening years I have learned his yoke is truly easy and his burden is light. I have been  through many things and have always had Jesus by my side. As I've lost my health I find this is just another aspect of his yoke and has led me to cling and trust him more.