rainy day

It’s a rainy drizzly day. Not much to do on a day like this except think about things. Of course my condition always enters my thoughts. As much as MS is a physical disease it has a very high mental component. I’ve always said it is a disease that messes with your mind. If you have relapsing remitting you’re always wondering about when the next relapse will hit you. If you have progressive you always wondering how bad is this going to get, how will I deal with it.

Today I have to admit a certain amount of guilt feelings. You may wonder why that is. The reason is that I no longer am able to do much of anything for myself. My caregivers are burdened with the entire load of taking care of me. I feel guilty because I can do nothing to help them.

I sit here and meditate upon the joy I have in Jesus. I listen to music and hear hymns like “Worthy is the Lamb” and “When I Finally Make It Home”. My heart soars when I dwell on these things but I’m no earthly good and then feel guilty. I really wish I could do more for myself.

I get to drink coffee, read, meditate and scratch the kitty’s chin. I also get to watch the hummingbirds and the finches. Pretty rough duty, Aye?

So my main thought today is God bless the caregivers!