I know I promised a 3rd installment on the prodigal son and I am trying to get motivated to post that. Other things have been occupying my mind. All of the right arm functioning that I got with my 1st 2 infusions of Ocrevus is gone. I can no longer move my right arm and hand again and wasn't able to drive my chair this week. I was whining about it to my wife and she said the restoration may have been a side effect of the steroids they give me with the drug. It never crossed my mind that I think she's right. I guess I just have to be patient and more patient and more patient. It's very frustrating for me and I'm afraid I burden her way too much physically and emotionally.
I complained to her, overwhelm her with requests and I wish I could figure out a way to give her a break. There are some things she has to for me that we would never ask anyone else to do. So I guess she is stuck with me and my whiny attitude. I should be ashamed to admit that almost every day I pray that the Lord would just take me home and free her from the burden of caring for me. Every morning when I wake up I should be full of praise that God is merciful but I wake up disappointed that he didn't take me home while I was asleep. When I was able, I couldn't bring myself to end my life but I would be so glad if the Lord let me out of this disease. Maybe the MS infusion will have a long-term benefit for right now I can say it has stopped the progression but I haven't got anything back over all.
Well I hope my honesty does not cause you to worry about me or be upset with me. To me taking the easy way out would be horrible for my family and especially for whoever bound me. I still have a lot of optimism about this new drug and hope it ends up restoring some physical benefits.
No comments:
Post a Comment