Quality Of Life

When I was still working my office was near a conference table in a large section of hallway. On occasion different groups would have a special lunch there. I would always tilt my chair back and rest at lunchtime. I could overhear much of what was said at these lunches. These people were very nice coworkers and I found much of what they said entertaining and often responded back humorously.

One day I heard some ladies discussing an elderly relative. She had recently passed on and they brought up that she had had very little quality-of-life toward the end. I have thought much about this expression. Many would look at my condition and say I had very little quality-of-life. In some ways this is true but after living it I find I have much to be thankful for. As this disease shrinks my world around me I still find many things to enjoy.

I can no longer get out and bike, hike or kayak. These were my favorite activities and I’m no longer able to do that. I spend the majority of my time either in the bedroom or in my chair in my living room. My world has shrunk significantly. I admit sometimes this is very difficult to bear but I keep in mind I have much to still enjoy.

Recently my friend Bill posted on Facebook a post pertaining to suicide. Bill had a close relative who ended his own life a few years ago. It was a tragedy to those left behind. The post pointed out that this is not a selfish act but it is an expression of mental illness. I totally agree with Bill especially in the case of his relative.

That being said one thing that has weighed on me is some statistics on people with MS. MS is not a death sentence. It is more of a life sentence. As someone who is given a life sentence in prison the only way out is death. I have experienced very dark times where this seemed a good choice but as yet I have not taken that step. One thing that is always weighed on me is the statistics is that suicide is the third leading cause of death in people with MS. For quite a number of years my brain has told me this is a good way out. Conversely my heart says keep on living. Hang on for one more day a popular Christian song says.

Many days I just hang on. I ask myself can I just get through today? The answer is always yes I can make it through today. Tomorrow will take care of itself. This has carried me through. Also it seems a horrible way to leave behind the caring people I’m surrounded by. So my credo now is just hang on! As the days proceed just hanging on I end up at a “large place” and all my troubles have evaporated in the dark mood is lifted and I enjoy life again. These times of enjoyment are so much better than the dark times I am so glad I hung on. I love life, I love my family and I love praising my Lord and Savior. None of these can be done if I take the easy way out. Thank you all my loving friends and family. You make life worth living.