Stages of Phil

Naughty, frustrated and angry Phil. I woke up today and found myself frustrated. I'm not sure how much to say, maybe you would want to agree now. There is one part of me that still works. I woke up frustrated and said inappropriate things that my wife has told me in the past she doesn't want to hear those things. Sometimes when I am this way I become naughty Phil and say inappropriate things or emails. Today though I became angry Phil. I get in trouble for being inappropriate and feel guilty so I try to avoid that. When I turn angry I end up angry mostly with myself. I feel like I should have been able to overcome losing the use of my right hand. As I got worse and worse I should have realized how bad I would get. I thought being stubborn and wanting it to be true I would not lose the use of my right hand. I never imagined I would not be able to drive by chair. No I can no longer drive my chair and digests said at my PC. I read the newspaper, checked Facebook and try to post on my blog. It's getting harder to do any of those things. I think that if I had known how bad I would get I would have arranged a "tragic accident". By the time I realized how serious it would get I can no longer arrange an accident. This fuels my anger. There was a time I could have and ended my own life. I just couldn't do that though. I kept thinking of though horror I would leave for someone I loved. Every way I imagine that behind an awful memory that would stay with them forever. I just couldn't do that and so here I am. Now I realize this disease can probably get worse than it is now. My main caregiver is my wife and the advancing of the disease just means she has to do more things for me.
It is clear that she loves me and it breaks my heart to be such a burden. I guess as long as she can take care of me am bound to stick it out with her. I turned my life over to Jesus Christ my Lord when I was 25. Angry Phil thinks about this and goes through a series of mental and spiritual cycles to apply this to my life. I cannot be angry at my Lord Jesus because you love me and proved it on the cross. How can I hold onto anger and the did so much for me and continues to restore my soul. Think of John chapter 10 and reminded and am reminded of the good Shepherd and remember I heard his voice and follow him. Angry fell does not go with the good Shepherd. After manyl cycles I become contented Phil.
Five model through the day
so I model through the day. I find enjoyment using my PC, watching TV (a little bit)) and watching the crazy critters. I hope to post more on the animals later.
Sometimes I email or say inappropriate things trying to be funny. Other times is because I am frustrated and become naughty Phil. I would apologize but that seems kind of lame. There is no real excuse for my behavior, using eye disease is not an excuse that Goldwater. I do apologize but I know my apologies are not enough.
Well I think I posted some things that are difficult but are in the minds of quadriplegics.