I would like to finish my post I started Monday. I would like to move on to something other than myself. I find talking about myself a little boring and I have more interesting stories to tell. I enjoy telling stories about the animals around me but still miss my cat Macy and her affection.
I just wanted to say that in all this I have faith in my Lord Jesus has not wavered. Whatever befalls me in this life is allowed by God not caused by God. I know that God love me because Jesus took my place on the cross suffered for my sins and many others who trust him. His resurrection proves that I have a a home in heaven that is incorruptible and I would join Jesus and others who have faith on that day. All of this has remained solid.
When has wavered is my day today mood. Many days lately I have become overwhelmed with this disease. It breaks my heart's to be such a burden. I need everything done for me now and my world keep shrinking. I found many people in the medical field that don't really know much and I'm tired of trying to educate them. My primary care doctor is fantastic and the only one I can say is been supportive through this whole thing. Last few times I've gone he has his nurse that seems bad as well as little bit strange. It seems that I have to know what the original name of a drug as well as the generic which I end up getting because of insurance. She doesn't know the generic name of anything and I have to tell her over and over again. One of my sons took me to the doctor about my high blood pressure. He ended up insulting this nurse to her face but she was not even bright enough to know that he was insulting her knowledge and professionalism.
I have become so weary of this life and I have turned my wife to a person with two full-time jobs. One of which is taking care of everything I need. I can't even feed myself anymore. I think I can be a person labeled as one "losing heart". I used to enjoy my morning coffee and eating my breakfast slowly. Now I have to hurry so she can get back to work. We have looked into getting help for her take care of me but the insurance covers nothing that we need help with. Only actual nursing needs. This is been a huge disappointment because I thought when I went on Medicare they would help out but guess what no help for us. We have to exhaust all of our pathetic savings get on Medicaid and then you do whatever they say. I feel pretty stupid trying to save what little I could when I was working. It seems like we would've been better off blowing everything we made. If we had $4 million it might be enough. Think that's more than I made in my lifetime. I don't know how anybody affords care for chronic disease. The whole medical system is set up for one of two things. Either get better or die. This disease is normally not fatal but a my special case it may kill me in a few years. Lately I've been feeling that's not soon enough. So enough of my whining I am losing my voice so I will sign off now. My next post will definitely be about pets. We have two cats and one young Labrador. I really look forward to my next post. I lose my voice so early and I'm glad I can post a little bit in the mornings my voice is still there. Take care dear reader and try to remember that Jesus loves you!
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