The medical care I am under as not found a solution to my trigeminal pain. It has settled into my right facial cheek area and moves around between my upper cheek, between the top and bottom, lower cheek and my right side molars. It is often backed by my molars in the joint are my mouth moves. The pain is not unbearable but makes it painful to speak in general and very painful to annunciate many letters. My speech has become much more slurred or painful if I enunciate well. This is made my voice software for difficult use. It often misunderstands and is opened up many applications some of which I didn't know I had. So I am going to take a week or so off and see if there's any progress. I find the pain is tolerable if I really concentrate on enunciation. I am finding that pain like this as a cumulative affect on my emotional outlook. To minimize this I'm going to say off my blog for a while. I will leave you with a funny pets story.
You probably know if you follow my blog that over two months ago Jordyn got on the bed and laid on my legs because she was jealous of the kitty coming in to sleep on me. She didn't want to sleep on me she just did not want the kitty to get any attention. I have a blanket that is felt that I call the kitty blanket because Lacey like the texture of it and she would stay on it while she slept. After Jordyn chased her away I have kept it open that she would return someday. One night last week she got up on their when my wife was in here. We are both excited, she came back.'s came up close at my table sniffed around and then turned around and laid down. She is back we said. And she yakked up a bunch of stuff and got up and left. Never came back. We were flabbergasted and didn't know what to think. My wife cleaned it up and said thanks a lot kitty! I guess you like be enough to yak on me, they should feel honored, right?
Come back to post if this pain decreases so knows. I try not to be optimistic because and I'm usually disappointed. I try not to be pessimistic signed up being "eh what ever". It is kind of my model with this disease, yeah whatever. Tata for now.
Phil and Macy
Thursday, March 14, 2019
Friday, March 8, 2019
Animal stories and lessons learned
I don't get any cuddling from Lacey. My wife tries to put her on my legs at night and she goes away after a few minutes. Occasionally now Jordyn stays on my legs for a while after my wife feeds me. Jordyn gets up there to be as close up food as she can. Occasionally I "drop things". A few times a week she stays up there when my wife leaves. She can be so sweet. The main story I have was interaction between Lacey and Jordyn.
Over the weekend it was still cold but sunny out. The sun came in the living room onto a faux leather footstool we have. Usually Jordyn sleeps on it but one day she was sound asleep on the couch nearby. Lacy came over and laid down on the sunny part. She was there about a half an hour before Jordyn noticed her. She gingerly got down off the couch and gently approached the cat. As she came close to the cat the cat rolled over on its side and I realized she had been planning this all along.
Lacey being on her side and back Lacey let Jordyn get close with her nose thinking the cat finally wants to play. As soon as Jordyn got her nose close to Lacey's tummy Lacey brought her back paws up and started poking her back claws into Jordyn's nose. One thing I like about labs is that their fases are very expressive. Look on Jordyn's face was so funny. Her face said what on earth is going on. The cats don't have claws in the front but they do in the back. Her expression was priceless. Then she just ignored it because she's a galloot. That lazy started hissing and batting at her with her front paws and Jordyn thought she was playing. She easily overpowered her it was after a five-minute battle. Were pretty sure Lacey was doing it to have fun. Jordan would never really hurt the cats other than poking them too hard with their dolphin nose. I don't get much cuddling except when Jordyn comes back and sleeps on my legs when someone else is back in the bedroom talking with me.
Lately we have been thinking that Jordyn thinks she is a 10 pound animal instead of a 50+ pounder. Jordyn has never understood the cats. We are convinced now that she thinks that her and the cats are the same. I think I've mentioned she climbs up on the back of the couch like the cats do, keep trying to give the cats her dog toys and likes to get the cats to spar with her like other dogs do at the dog par this brings up another story.
I had a 24 hour body Wednesday was called and then and then cold and then hot. I was miserable and everywhere I could have pain I did. My wife came and got me ready for bed and getting the right support behind my neck helped and so I was able to watch videos. There is a dining room chair in the bedroom for her to sit in when she feed me dinner. It was pushed against the wall. While I am trying to get my temperature right and the pain to subside that beautiful gray cat named Slim comes in and climbed up on the chair. Is very independent and just wanders around all day checking things out. A rarely stays in one place for more than five minutes. He rarely comes in the bedroom where I can see him. So I look over on this chair when I heard a noise and it is Slim. He climbs up the back of the chair and starts batting record of the blinds on that window. He stays doing this for longer than usual. Pretty soon he climbs up on the back of the chair and pulls the shade way from the frame and sticks his head in there to look out. Pretty soon use climbed off the chair and behind the shade on the window. He is having a good time back there and pretty soon I see is that pop out at the other end of the shade. About that time Lacey comes in to check it out because she senses Slim is having fun. Pretty soon she's on the back of the chair and follows him in behind the shade. A keep popping his head in and out and with her up there and being very entertain. Pretty soon she sticks her head out the right side while he has his head out the left side. I am finding it all thing entertaining. Then he gets better. I wife comes in because she hears the noise and Jordyn comes in also because she years my wife and I talking about the cats. She gets very jealous so she comes in to see what's going on. She sees the cats in the window and goes over and sits below the window. As I mentioned labs every easy-to-read faces. She sits there looking up at the cats and she knows she cannot get up there. She just sits there looking up at them trying to figure out a way she can join them. It was hilarious. So one of the worst days I have had physically and some being very entertaining at night.
Today the chaplain visited and I told her about Wednesday how miserable I was and how it ended. It's hard to remember when you're up to your waist and alligators that do their to drain the swamp. I would have to thank God, Lord Jesus Christ, my Savior for nice ending to horrible day. As my health decreases I can only look to the Lord to hold me up and care me through it. The animals are very entertaining.
Over the weekend it was still cold but sunny out. The sun came in the living room onto a faux leather footstool we have. Usually Jordyn sleeps on it but one day she was sound asleep on the couch nearby. Lacy came over and laid down on the sunny part. She was there about a half an hour before Jordyn noticed her. She gingerly got down off the couch and gently approached the cat. As she came close to the cat the cat rolled over on its side and I realized she had been planning this all along.
Lacey being on her side and back Lacey let Jordyn get close with her nose thinking the cat finally wants to play. As soon as Jordyn got her nose close to Lacey's tummy Lacey brought her back paws up and started poking her back claws into Jordyn's nose. One thing I like about labs is that their fases are very expressive. Look on Jordyn's face was so funny. Her face said what on earth is going on. The cats don't have claws in the front but they do in the back. Her expression was priceless. Then she just ignored it because she's a galloot. That lazy started hissing and batting at her with her front paws and Jordyn thought she was playing. She easily overpowered her it was after a five-minute battle. Were pretty sure Lacey was doing it to have fun. Jordan would never really hurt the cats other than poking them too hard with their dolphin nose. I don't get much cuddling except when Jordyn comes back and sleeps on my legs when someone else is back in the bedroom talking with me.
Lately we have been thinking that Jordyn thinks she is a 10 pound animal instead of a 50+ pounder. Jordyn has never understood the cats. We are convinced now that she thinks that her and the cats are the same. I think I've mentioned she climbs up on the back of the couch like the cats do, keep trying to give the cats her dog toys and likes to get the cats to spar with her like other dogs do at the dog par this brings up another story.
I had a 24 hour body Wednesday was called and then and then cold and then hot. I was miserable and everywhere I could have pain I did. My wife came and got me ready for bed and getting the right support behind my neck helped and so I was able to watch videos. There is a dining room chair in the bedroom for her to sit in when she feed me dinner. It was pushed against the wall. While I am trying to get my temperature right and the pain to subside that beautiful gray cat named Slim comes in and climbed up on the chair. Is very independent and just wanders around all day checking things out. A rarely stays in one place for more than five minutes. He rarely comes in the bedroom where I can see him. So I look over on this chair when I heard a noise and it is Slim. He climbs up the back of the chair and starts batting record of the blinds on that window. He stays doing this for longer than usual. Pretty soon he climbs up on the back of the chair and pulls the shade way from the frame and sticks his head in there to look out. Pretty soon use climbed off the chair and behind the shade on the window. He is having a good time back there and pretty soon I see is that pop out at the other end of the shade. About that time Lacey comes in to check it out because she senses Slim is having fun. Pretty soon she's on the back of the chair and follows him in behind the shade. A keep popping his head in and out and with her up there and being very entertain. Pretty soon she sticks her head out the right side while he has his head out the left side. I am finding it all thing entertaining. Then he gets better. I wife comes in because she hears the noise and Jordyn comes in also because she years my wife and I talking about the cats. She gets very jealous so she comes in to see what's going on. She sees the cats in the window and goes over and sits below the window. As I mentioned labs every easy-to-read faces. She sits there looking up at the cats and she knows she cannot get up there. She just sits there looking up at them trying to figure out a way she can join them. It was hilarious. So one of the worst days I have had physically and some being very entertaining at night.
Today the chaplain visited and I told her about Wednesday how miserable I was and how it ended. It's hard to remember when you're up to your waist and alligators that do their to drain the swamp. I would have to thank God, Lord Jesus Christ, my Savior for nice ending to horrible day. As my health decreases I can only look to the Lord to hold me up and care me through it. The animals are very entertaining.
Wednesday, March 6, 2019
Health update
I don't have much good to report as far as my health. MS just keep plugging along few months ago I could move my arms a small amount when I coughed so they moved up on my waist making and coughing a little easier. Now my left arm won't move all in my right is heading that way. The feel pretty pathetic when I have to have someone else move my arm two inches. My main frustration is how much work I am for my wife. Things are not getting easier for in that troubles me because I was supposed to be the one who takes care of her. My neck pain comes much easier because I am laying on my back there is more weight on my head and neck. Some of the meds I gave me help me in the neck area but so far nothing has really helped on the trigeminal. It seems to have settled (hopefully) my right cheek bouncing around between the upper cheek in the lower cheek and many times it is right in that joint of the corner of my mouth. When it is there like now is very painful to annunciate and I slur my speech. Been having some strange pains in my left calf, left ankle and the top of my left foot. Through trial and error my wife has found that Aspercreme with what I call the hot sauce seems to help most. But not is all negative.
My BiPAP machine has not worked well with just the nose mask. For it to work I need to keep my mouth closed which is become almost impossible to do with the trigeminal pain but I am asleep. The machine alarm's because the air just blows feel my nose and out my mouth so it thinks it's not attached. I've been using the full face mask for about a week now and am gotten used to it almost. Until last night, it alarmed again when I had my mouth open. One step forward, two steps back. I can still use Siri if I do it just right and my wife has gotten a baby monitor and that usually wake her up if I call her name even with the mask on. I do sleep better with the full mask so that is good. I have grown a little tired of reading and I found that podcasts of mysteries interesting. I usually bounce between three or four shows and then listened to a podcast or two. Usually fall sleep not long after. Is nice to have another alternative besides reading and watching videos.
I find I still have a lot of phlegm buildup in my lungs. With a full face mask it seems the rest my diaphragm little more than the other one used to so I'm able to cough it up for now though the next MS decrease of my diaphragm. The pressure sores on my bottom are healing. I think the mattress which is special, new seat in my power chair and that I spend a lot less time sitting up are helping. They say the open wound in my calf and ankle getting better but their reluctant to tell me that it will ever close up all the way. I guess will see. One thing I'm always appreciative of his a good night sleep and I have a fair amount of those each week. Some days the aides come and I wake up earlier that I would and so I take a nap in the afternoon. If the nap is not too long it's all have an easy time falling asleep. I think that's it for now and thank you again for reading.
I do appreciate the weekly visit I get from my wife's sister who is retired now. I think she stays busier now than when she worked. It helped me get out of my own head for a while and that is good for me. I don't enjoy being around myself and I do not feel more very pleasant person overall. My wife is so busy I try not to give her extra tasks but she gets home from work the visits are very nice.
My BiPAP machine has not worked well with just the nose mask. For it to work I need to keep my mouth closed which is become almost impossible to do with the trigeminal pain but I am asleep. The machine alarm's because the air just blows feel my nose and out my mouth so it thinks it's not attached. I've been using the full face mask for about a week now and am gotten used to it almost. Until last night, it alarmed again when I had my mouth open. One step forward, two steps back. I can still use Siri if I do it just right and my wife has gotten a baby monitor and that usually wake her up if I call her name even with the mask on. I do sleep better with the full mask so that is good. I have grown a little tired of reading and I found that podcasts of mysteries interesting. I usually bounce between three or four shows and then listened to a podcast or two. Usually fall sleep not long after. Is nice to have another alternative besides reading and watching videos.
I find I still have a lot of phlegm buildup in my lungs. With a full face mask it seems the rest my diaphragm little more than the other one used to so I'm able to cough it up for now though the next MS decrease of my diaphragm. The pressure sores on my bottom are healing. I think the mattress which is special, new seat in my power chair and that I spend a lot less time sitting up are helping. They say the open wound in my calf and ankle getting better but their reluctant to tell me that it will ever close up all the way. I guess will see. One thing I'm always appreciative of his a good night sleep and I have a fair amount of those each week. Some days the aides come and I wake up earlier that I would and so I take a nap in the afternoon. If the nap is not too long it's all have an easy time falling asleep. I think that's it for now and thank you again for reading.
I do appreciate the weekly visit I get from my wife's sister who is retired now. I think she stays busier now than when she worked. It helped me get out of my own head for a while and that is good for me. I don't enjoy being around myself and I do not feel more very pleasant person overall. My wife is so busy I try not to give her extra tasks but she gets home from work the visits are very nice.
Tuesday, March 5, 2019
Homework? From the chaplain.
I meet with the hospice chaplain every other week. Last time she was here I talked about the things that were troubling me. One of which was a murder of a girl who went to my high school that started when I would've been a senior but that year my parents moved to Ankeny so I never met her. This was 39 years ago and I remember the day I heard it on the news. She lived about six blocks away from my wife and I's first house. Her murder troubled me and changed my outlook on life because the brutal way she was murdered and it was at a shopping mall across town one of my wife's sisters was working that night. It all seemed too close to home and until recently it seemed be a random killing. Now they have found DNA and move process proved that the murder was there and was from a town 30 miles away. It seems they have their man after 39 years. So this is brought up memories from that time about this and many other things. Since I have way too much time especially at night think about things I overthink the past. The chaplain name is Julie and she gave me an assignment. My assignment is to spend less time reading about these past issues, think about good things instead of reliving past things I cannot change. I have spent less time reading Facebook and decided that a good place to start with pushing these thoughts away was to start reading the epistle to the Philippians. I will respond to one of the places to read that remind you that there are good things to think about. Philippians lists these were Paul says "rather remember the things that are…". I wish I could copy it here but I'm not able to paste and copy things between aaps anymore. Can I suggest you read the epistle to the Philippians? I still wind down at night and seemed to lose much of my good attitude so my wife still deals with sad Phil. This disease seems to grind person down regardless. It has been good for me to follow the chaplain's advice and I really appreciate it. I no longer can keep up with my newsfeed. Will try to record another post about my general health and post it later in the week. Also have another Jordyn story that includes Lacey. Will try to do the same with that. Take care and look to the Lord for from him come salvation.
Thursday, February 28, 2019
Pet story and health update
I am finding that posting to my blog is getting more rare. My days of being alone long enough to post are Tuesday's and Thursdays. Some weeks I am really far behind on my Facebook newsfeed and or email. By the time I'm done wrestling with my voice software I don't have much time to post on my blog. I had hoped my blog might help people with MS but the number of hits on my blog has not gone up in the years I've been posting. One of its main reasons is to have in one place updates for my relatives and friends. I'm trying to concentrate on that aspect more than anything else. I enjoy posting pet stories and a few pictures but is hard to get the pictures because I cannot take them myself. The other night is an example. Lacy was sitting on the back of my wife's main couch off to the opposite end. Jordyn is becoming more and more of a jealous dog. She got up on the back of the couch just like the cat so that they cat could not get near my wife. Then Jordyn started poking the cat with her nose like a dolphin does. Lacy will not just run away anymore and pretty soon she's got her paws wrapped around Jordyn's nose and she hits her when she can. She is hissing and making weird noises and Jordyn thinks she is playing. We are convinced that Jordyn does not know there is a difference between cats and dogs. So she keeps getting a little more rough with the cat and pretty soon they're making a lot of noise. My wife is afraid for the cat and tells the dog to leave the cat alone. I tell her but it's very entertaining and I don't think the cat will get hurt because she can leave at any time. I think it is hilarious a 60 pound dog does not know she is not a cat. Usually each week my retired sister-in-law comes over to feed me breakfast and keep me company. Jordan does not want to share so she gets in between me and my sister-in-law so she has to push her out of the way to feed be. As this is going on Jordyn climbs on the dining room chair with my sister-in-law. Jordyn does not know how big she is and it is pretty funny. I realize now that a lot of the things Jordyn does or out of jealousy. When Matt put me back in bed after lunch Jordan gets up on the bed for my feet go and she won't leave. I realize now it is not because she thinks that bed is hers but it's because she does not want to share Matt with me.
My latest health update is that the pressure sore on my bottom is closing up. The doctor from the wound clinic said it would probably never heal up. My wife attributes improvement in I spend a lot less time in my chair, some days not at all, after I got the wound the insurance company would pay for the improved seat that they would not cover a few months earlier. Another genius set up by insurance. Spend thousands to fix the wound but not $500 to prevent the wound. Also a gets cleaned and new ointment on every day by my wife. The wound on the side of my leg (calf and ankle) is much slower but seems to be healing. The nurse visits twice a week and measures. They also allowed the use of an ointment that contains silver. It is very expensive but seems to have a little more effectiveness. The home care people visit each morning mostly around 9:30 AM. They put me in the chair on those days and Matt put me back to bed after he feeds me lunch. This bed is very comfortable and as a special mattress that is supposed to have a number of air cells that are inflated in a staggered pattern to reduce pressure on my wound. I don't notice it but they say it is there. This bed is very comfortable and some days I wake up feeling like a little cocoon wrapped around me. I can only stand one day though without getting out for a little while.
This I have been having more cognitive issues. It takes me a long time to decide what day of the week it is. I get confused about what time it is even though I can see the clock. Have been having problems with my BiPAP mask. The one I've been using since I got it was the one that fits over my nose. I was able to keep my mouth close and if I didn't it would just blow through my nose and out my mouth. This would make the machine alarm thinking it is not connected anymore. The last week I started having problems in waking my wife up 3 to 4 times a night. I was having trouble sleeping with my mouth closed. I trigeminal pain has kind of settled in that joint of my mouth on the right side. Closing my mouth hurts at spot and then the alarm goes and I sleep right through it. Last night I tried the mask that covers my nose and mouth. I never alarmed so my wife so good, Yea. Strangely Siri can still hear me if I need to call my wife. I have to time my speech with the breathing machine. Last night I would say was very difficult to get used to and I hope using it will be easier for me. My mouse software still follows my mouth so I can watch videos and play radio shows to fall sleep to. I have also had a weird pain and shows up in my left foot, ankle and calf. One of the aides what's icy hot on it and that seems to help. If the pain shows up in my foot or ankle at night my will lay jobs around like leaping Larry on the Seinfeld show.
Not sure when I forgot what I'm done for the night. Take care dear reader.
My latest health update is that the pressure sore on my bottom is closing up. The doctor from the wound clinic said it would probably never heal up. My wife attributes improvement in I spend a lot less time in my chair, some days not at all, after I got the wound the insurance company would pay for the improved seat that they would not cover a few months earlier. Another genius set up by insurance. Spend thousands to fix the wound but not $500 to prevent the wound. Also a gets cleaned and new ointment on every day by my wife. The wound on the side of my leg (calf and ankle) is much slower but seems to be healing. The nurse visits twice a week and measures. They also allowed the use of an ointment that contains silver. It is very expensive but seems to have a little more effectiveness. The home care people visit each morning mostly around 9:30 AM. They put me in the chair on those days and Matt put me back to bed after he feeds me lunch. This bed is very comfortable and as a special mattress that is supposed to have a number of air cells that are inflated in a staggered pattern to reduce pressure on my wound. I don't notice it but they say it is there. This bed is very comfortable and some days I wake up feeling like a little cocoon wrapped around me. I can only stand one day though without getting out for a little while.
This I have been having more cognitive issues. It takes me a long time to decide what day of the week it is. I get confused about what time it is even though I can see the clock. Have been having problems with my BiPAP mask. The one I've been using since I got it was the one that fits over my nose. I was able to keep my mouth close and if I didn't it would just blow through my nose and out my mouth. This would make the machine alarm thinking it is not connected anymore. The last week I started having problems in waking my wife up 3 to 4 times a night. I was having trouble sleeping with my mouth closed. I trigeminal pain has kind of settled in that joint of my mouth on the right side. Closing my mouth hurts at spot and then the alarm goes and I sleep right through it. Last night I tried the mask that covers my nose and mouth. I never alarmed so my wife so good, Yea. Strangely Siri can still hear me if I need to call my wife. I have to time my speech with the breathing machine. Last night I would say was very difficult to get used to and I hope using it will be easier for me. My mouse software still follows my mouth so I can watch videos and play radio shows to fall sleep to. I have also had a weird pain and shows up in my left foot, ankle and calf. One of the aides what's icy hot on it and that seems to help. If the pain shows up in my foot or ankle at night my will lay jobs around like leaping Larry on the Seinfeld show.
Not sure when I forgot what I'm done for the night. Take care dear reader.
Monday, February 25, 2019
Sweetness
It is Monday so here is light fare. Even though I don't work anymore Mondays are still blah.
Jordyn has papa trapped.
She waits for treat even though she spread papers around. She knows cuteness wins and who knows maybe it was the cats.
She is trying to be patient but hurry. Please!
Saturday, February 23, 2019
Rejoice, again I say rejoice
I'm not sure how much I'll get to post today. I have a lot of phlegm rattling around and I can't seem to cough it up. I just wanted to mention that Friday around here are pretty busy. In the morning of the two aids that get me up and in my chair in the living room. On Fridays there also here to help the nurse or lately has been a nurse and trainee. And then the social worker and the chaplain switch out every other Friday. Yesterday was the chaplain's turn. I was looking forward to it because I have been pretty low emotionally lately. There is a Facebook page and asked stuff about growing up in the 70s and 80s. They ask you remember this or that. When I first saw it they address a murder that happened when I was recently married and had a house. That murder changed my perspective on society. Before that I was rather naïve and after it is seem to open up the Darkside. It's been 39 years and recently they found a way to test DNA and they found a person who matched. So now this website deals a lot with that case and it has brought up many things for me to think about back then. There were a lot of things in my life when I was still a teenager at home that were unresolved. My stepmother came to me and my sister. They think back and relive things trying to think of way that I could have acted to avoid that. He goes around and around in my head. No matter what I did my stepmother found fault. I finally gave up trying and they kicked me out of the house at 18 for really a very tiny reason. The place I work at was a restaurant called the Springhouse. I really enjoyed it there and like so many of the people. Since I was still very naïve I think I hurt one girl's feelings that I thought was a friend and then want to date her. Naïve me, I thought I would ask my parents for the use of the car because my stepmother always complained that I just did things and didn't care what they thought. When I told them I would like the car the next Friday or next one after that it was like the 3rd° in a TV show. She must asked me 20 questions and she decided that absolutely not, that this girl could not be good for me. The whole thing seems surrealistic and that goes around and around in my head. Once again she humiliated me which was what she had been doing for years. I was so humiliated I avoided this girl for two weeks and never could tell her about it. I'd relive this over and over again trying to think of what I could've done differently. I no one thing I could've gone was explained to her but I was just too humiliated and embarrassed. I think I probably left her feeling like there was something wrong with her but there wasn't.
I talked the chaplain about it and she thought I was spending too much time dwelling on past things. I agreed but was stuck in this cycle pain the because I have way too much time and think about things. Especially when I tried to go to sleep and takes an hour or so to get to sleep. She test me with homework to try to think of what God wanted me to think about and to quit dwelling on past things I could not change. I agreed this was a good idea and I have to read that Facebook site less.I also decided to change what I'm reading in the Bible the book of Philippians. If my memory serves me correctly this letter stresses being joyful in Christ regardless of exterior circumstances. I have very serious issues physically and problems that go along with that emotionally. Sometimes I feel pretty isolated but most of the time I'm fine. I became a Christian and accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior when I was 25. Except for some dark times in 2009 I can say I've never felt alone because he is always with me. I don't do him justice putting these old memories circle around in my brain and affected my outlook. I started reading Philippians today and is very hard to read it without being uplifted and feeling the joy that the apostle Paul promotes it. Rejoice, I say rejoice. I know I have a lot of physical issues and just when I get used to the ideas of what's going on with them they seem to morph on me and I have a new set of things to deal with. I main caregiver is my wife and I try as hard as I can to be a light burden on her rather than a heavy burden. Since she works really hate having to wake her up after she's gone to sleep. Problem is she goes asleep a lot earlier than me. Another problem is that as I get settled in it takes 20 minutes to half an hour for me to know if is a comfortable working the situation. Temperature is a big issue. We set the thermostat at the same temp. One night I have to wake her up because I'm cold and I need that covers pulled up on my shoulders. Then last night same covers, same temperature and I have to wake her up at 130 because I am cooking and being overwhelmed by the heat. I really don't get the swings in temperature. It is then that I really really really wish my arms move to so I could move the covers down. So far she is been unbelievable supporting me. One of my big fears is I will burn her out.
Jordyn is another thing. She rarely listens to me or shows me affection unless she is with my wife and I. The other day it kept telling her how sweet she was and I wish my legs moved so I could play with her. I can tell she loves to be chased. Sometimes she will get a paper plate or napkin and she will go to the center of the living room. Her hope is that my wife will chase her. If somebody goes for the paper she will start running from one account to the other and then tear past them and run down the hall. And she cares back down the hall and runs around the living room. When she is outside a lot of times she won't come in and I know she wants somebody to run in the snow and chase her. I kept telling her that I would love to do that but I can't. For some reason seem to understand and now she shows me a little more affection and she does consume me when I tell her to a little bit when somebody's of the door for my wife comes home. She used to go bark at the door trying to hurry them now just calm her down by saying just wait hun they are coming in. Now when she comes back when my wife tease me she will lay down sideways with her head on my leg and sometimes go to sleep. I tell my wife that I know she's playing me open get a bite of my food at the end my wife says that's not going to work on me and I say is on me. She knows how to play me. All I have to go now I'm starting to have to correct too many times that I'm out of breath. Take care dear one.
I talked the chaplain about it and she thought I was spending too much time dwelling on past things. I agreed but was stuck in this cycle pain the because I have way too much time and think about things. Especially when I tried to go to sleep and takes an hour or so to get to sleep. She test me with homework to try to think of what God wanted me to think about and to quit dwelling on past things I could not change. I agreed this was a good idea and I have to read that Facebook site less.I also decided to change what I'm reading in the Bible the book of Philippians. If my memory serves me correctly this letter stresses being joyful in Christ regardless of exterior circumstances. I have very serious issues physically and problems that go along with that emotionally. Sometimes I feel pretty isolated but most of the time I'm fine. I became a Christian and accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior when I was 25. Except for some dark times in 2009 I can say I've never felt alone because he is always with me. I don't do him justice putting these old memories circle around in my brain and affected my outlook. I started reading Philippians today and is very hard to read it without being uplifted and feeling the joy that the apostle Paul promotes it. Rejoice, I say rejoice. I know I have a lot of physical issues and just when I get used to the ideas of what's going on with them they seem to morph on me and I have a new set of things to deal with. I main caregiver is my wife and I try as hard as I can to be a light burden on her rather than a heavy burden. Since she works really hate having to wake her up after she's gone to sleep. Problem is she goes asleep a lot earlier than me. Another problem is that as I get settled in it takes 20 minutes to half an hour for me to know if is a comfortable working the situation. Temperature is a big issue. We set the thermostat at the same temp. One night I have to wake her up because I'm cold and I need that covers pulled up on my shoulders. Then last night same covers, same temperature and I have to wake her up at 130 because I am cooking and being overwhelmed by the heat. I really don't get the swings in temperature. It is then that I really really really wish my arms move to so I could move the covers down. So far she is been unbelievable supporting me. One of my big fears is I will burn her out.
Jordyn is another thing. She rarely listens to me or shows me affection unless she is with my wife and I. The other day it kept telling her how sweet she was and I wish my legs moved so I could play with her. I can tell she loves to be chased. Sometimes she will get a paper plate or napkin and she will go to the center of the living room. Her hope is that my wife will chase her. If somebody goes for the paper she will start running from one account to the other and then tear past them and run down the hall. And she cares back down the hall and runs around the living room. When she is outside a lot of times she won't come in and I know she wants somebody to run in the snow and chase her. I kept telling her that I would love to do that but I can't. For some reason seem to understand and now she shows me a little more affection and she does consume me when I tell her to a little bit when somebody's of the door for my wife comes home. She used to go bark at the door trying to hurry them now just calm her down by saying just wait hun they are coming in. Now when she comes back when my wife tease me she will lay down sideways with her head on my leg and sometimes go to sleep. I tell my wife that I know she's playing me open get a bite of my food at the end my wife says that's not going to work on me and I say is on me. She knows how to play me. All I have to go now I'm starting to have to correct too many times that I'm out of breath. Take care dear one.
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