MS moods –Hopelessness versus Hopefulness

Wow – what a series of emotional swings we've gone through this weekend. Friday we got out and enjoyed music and the weather. Saturday woke up feeling totally hopeless. Of course my MS will never get better and only get worse. This means my wife has to do more and more and more for me as time goes on. I'm not working anymore so I can't contribute to my retirement which makes me worry. So Saturday, yesterday, was filled with anxiety and depression. We watched a movie in the afternoon called "Still Alice". In this movie the main character was afflicted by early-onset Alzheimer's. Is a pretty depressing movie. Then that night we watched "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot" we assumed it was a comedy but it turned out to be a dark comedy in a pretty depressing movie. So all in all Saturday was an awful day for both of us. I did get outside and enjoy the last of the nice weather for a while. We enjoyed having Tom's dog Atlas around but except for those two things yesterday was a total zero.

So Friday was a good day. Saturday was an awful day. Now it's Sunday and the gloom and doom of yesterday are totally gone. Nothing external is changed. When I get depressed I pray but it seems as if heaven is shut up to me. Of course I know God hears my prayers but yesterday there was no change in my mood. Now today, Sunday, my mood is totally different. I'm not sure why the big swings in mood other than my MS. I don't like the dark days I like the days like today where I feel Hopefulness. I'm not sure what my hope is because I don't expect anything extra don't change but I have a much better attitude. I can't say my heart is full but it is certainly more full than yesterday.

I don't post these things for sympathy but just to make people aware of this silly disease and some of the recurring symptoms. I hope to encourage others with MS that one bad day needs to just be forgotten about. Most days are not bad emotional days but I thought I should make people aware it is a common symptom of MS so that they might understand a little more. I can't say I really understand it but I struggle to maintain a good attitude and keep praying knowing my God loves me.