MS – a long strange trip!

I think by now I have mentioned it how strange MS is for me and everyone else I know of. It's been almost a year since I lost the use of my right hand which is been the last thing to go. Now some days I am able to get my hand on the tilt and recline control but I cannot drive my chair. Most days I move my coffee cup a little bit to get the straw in my mouth if I am alone. Sometimes this takes 10 minutes but I am usually determined to get my coffee. Yes I love coffee! I didn't start drinking until I was in my 30s. Even decaffeinated has some caffeine in it so I don't get to drink it after 2 PM. So now I use voice control and smile mouse to do anything on my computer. This takes a lot of breath and is very hard to correct. Sometimes it takes what I'm saying as a command and opens up a different app. Sometimes when I want to correct something it just adds new words. It also picks up my breathing and puts in the word will. So now I will try to describe my current state.
I told my wife last night they alternate between apathy, anger and sadness. I wish I could add gladness to list but to be honest it doesn't seem to show up very often. I'm always glad when my wife gets home from work so I guess I do have some of it. I don't mind being alone for the most part but really enjoy her company now and I always have. We first started dating my friends were mad because I was "whipped". I would just tell them that if they were more interesting than her I would spend time with them. I still went trout fishing a lot with my friend Mark until he went to graduate school in Michigan State. Then it was just me and my fishing dog Chester. He loved to go and run and run and run.
One strange thing I have found with my current state, is that I miss walking now more than I ever have. I think it is because whenever I had mood swings when I was healthy or was overwhelmed with life I would go on walks. Walking seem to even me out and thinking while I walked tended to make me not be overwhelmed with life. I used to take Chester with me and I taught him to heel so it was a joy taking him. Now that I can't drive my chair and I see people walking their dogs I've started to miss it. I've been in a chair or use the chair most of the time for over 5 years. I really didn't miss it like I do now especially when we get a nice fall day. I loved going for walks in 50 to 60° weather. 40° was okay as long as it wasn't Wednesday.
Thank you for reading my blog, it seems to help me relax to post things especially today I am finding my mood is getting better while I'm doing this. Of course Chester passed away decades ago but it was my first dog and we were very attached to each other. I didn't think I would ever feel that way about dog again. I do now about Atlas. He is much calmer than Chester was but I found have become attached to him in a way I never thought possible.
Back to MS for minute, in closing. MS tends to grind someone down emotionally and mentally. I am very fortunate to have a great group of caregivers and friends. Many of my friends would do anything I asked of them but most of the things I need done are done by my wife and sons. I know a lot of people feel bad that they can't help me but MS is a cruel taskmaster and doesn't care about things like that. Beside my caregivers and friends I have "the comfort of the Scriptures". To be totally honest I'm not sure how I could handle the extreme lows I get without this comfort I get from the Lord. Yesterday I was reading in Psalms again and I notice this verse:
 Psalm  27:13 I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord...
I believe this Psalm was by King David and he went through many trials. To me is the idea of "fainting" is what I think of as me "giving up". Many times MS makes me want to give up but somehow I'm sustained. I'm glad that I am still around to praise my God who saved me and loves me.