Pet story and health update

I am finding that posting to my blog is getting more rare. My days of being alone long enough to post are Tuesday's and Thursdays. Some weeks I am really far behind on my Facebook newsfeed and or email. By the time I'm done wrestling with my voice software I don't have much time to post on my blog. I had hoped my blog might help people with MS but the number of hits on my blog has not gone up in the years I've been posting. One of its main reasons is to have in one place updates for my relatives and friends. I'm trying to concentrate on that aspect more than anything else. I enjoy posting pet stories and a few pictures but is hard to get the pictures because I cannot take them myself. The other night is an example. Lacy was sitting on the back of my wife's main couch off to the opposite end. Jordyn is becoming more and more of a jealous dog. She got up on the back of the couch just like the cat so that they cat could not get near my wife. Then Jordyn started poking the cat with her nose like a dolphin does. Lacy will not just run away anymore and pretty soon she's got her paws wrapped around Jordyn's nose and she hits her when she can. She is hissing and making weird noises and Jordyn thinks she is playing. We are convinced that Jordyn does not know there is a difference between cats and dogs. So she keeps getting a little more rough with the cat and pretty soon they're making a lot of noise. My wife is afraid for the cat and tells the dog to leave the cat alone. I tell her but it's very entertaining and I don't think the cat will get hurt because she can leave at any time. I think it is hilarious a 60 pound dog does not know she is not a cat. Usually each week my retired sister-in-law comes over to feed me breakfast and keep me company. Jordan does not want to share so she gets in between me and my sister-in-law so she has to push her out of the way to feed be. As this is going on Jordyn climbs on the dining room chair with my sister-in-law. Jordyn does not know how big she is and it is pretty funny. I realize now that a lot of the things Jordyn does or out of jealousy. When Matt put me back in bed after lunch Jordan gets up on the bed for my feet go and she won't leave. I realize now it is not because she thinks that bed is hers but it's because she does not want to share Matt with me.
My  latest health update is that the pressure sore on my bottom is closing up. The doctor from the wound clinic said it would probably never heal up. My wife attributes improvement in I spend a lot less time in my chair, some days not at all, after I got the wound the insurance company would pay for the improved seat that they would not cover a few months earlier. Another genius set up by insurance. Spend thousands to fix the wound but not $500 to prevent the wound. Also a gets cleaned and new ointment on every day by my wife. The wound on the side of my leg (calf and ankle) is much slower but seems to be healing. The nurse visits twice a week and measures. They also allowed the use of an ointment that contains silver. It is very expensive but seems to have a little more effectiveness. The home care people visit each morning mostly around 9:30 AM. They put me in the chair on those days and Matt put me back to bed after he feeds me lunch. This bed is very comfortable and as a special mattress that is supposed to have a number of air cells that are inflated in a staggered pattern to reduce pressure on my wound. I don't notice it but they say it is there. This bed is very comfortable and some days I wake up feeling like a little cocoon wrapped around me. I can only stand one day though without getting out for a little while.
This I have been having more cognitive issues. It takes me a long time to decide what day of the week it is. I get confused about what time it is even though I can see the clock. Have been having problems with my BiPAP mask. The one I've been using since I got it was the one that fits over my nose. I was able to keep my mouth close and if I didn't it would just blow through my nose and out my mouth. This would make the machine alarm thinking it is not connected anymore. The last week I started having problems in waking my wife up 3 to 4 times a night. I was having trouble sleeping with my mouth closed. I trigeminal pain has kind of settled in that joint of my mouth on the right side. Closing my mouth hurts at spot and then the alarm goes and I sleep right through it. Last night I tried the mask that covers my nose and mouth. I never alarmed so my wife so good, Yea. Strangely Siri can still hear me if I need to call my wife. I have to time my speech with the breathing machine. Last night I would say was very difficult to get used to and I hope using it will be easier for me. My mouse software still follows my mouth so I can watch videos and play radio shows to fall sleep to. I have also had a weird pain and shows up in my left foot, ankle and calf. One of the aides what's icy hot on it and that seems to help. If the pain shows up in my foot or ankle at night my will lay jobs around like leaping Larry on the Seinfeld show.
Not sure when I forgot what I'm done for the night. Take care dear reader.

Sweetness

It is Monday so here is light fare. Even though I don't work anymore Mondays are still blah.

Jordyn has papa trapped.

She waits for treat even though she spread papers around. She knows cuteness wins and who knows maybe it was the cats.

She is trying to be patient but hurry. Please!

Rejoice, again I say rejoice

I'm not sure how much I'll get to post today. I have a lot of phlegm rattling around and I can't seem to cough it up. I just wanted to mention that Friday around here are pretty busy. In the morning of the two aids that get me up and in my chair in the living room. On Fridays there also here to help the nurse or lately has been a nurse and trainee. And then the social worker and the chaplain switch out every other Friday. Yesterday was the chaplain's turn. I was looking forward to it because I have been pretty low emotionally lately. There is a Facebook page and asked stuff about growing up in the 70s and 80s. They ask you remember this or that. When I first saw it they address a murder that happened when I was recently married and had a house. That murder changed my perspective on society. Before that I was rather naïve and after it is seem to open up the Darkside. It's been 39 years and recently they found a way to test DNA and they found a person who matched. So now this website deals a lot with that case and it has brought up many things for me to think about back then. There were a lot of things in my life when I was still a teenager at home that were unresolved. My stepmother came to me and my sister. They think back and relive things trying to think of way that I could have acted to avoid that. He goes around and around in my head. No matter what I did my stepmother found fault. I finally gave up trying and they kicked me out of the house at 18 for really a very tiny reason. The place I work at was a restaurant called the Springhouse. I really enjoyed it there and like so many of the people. Since I was still very naïve I think I hurt one girl's feelings that I thought was a friend and then want to date her. Naïve me, I thought I would ask my parents for the use of the car because my stepmother always complained that I just did things and didn't care what they thought. When I told them I would like the car the next Friday or next one after that it was like the 3rd° in a TV show. She must asked me 20 questions and she decided that absolutely not, that this girl could not be good for me. The whole thing seems surrealistic and that goes around and around in my head. Once again she humiliated me which was what she had been doing for years. I was so humiliated I avoided this girl for two weeks and never could tell her about it. I'd relive this over and over again trying to think of what I could've done differently. I no one thing I could've gone was explained to her but I was just too humiliated and embarrassed. I think I probably left her feeling like there was something wrong with her but there wasn't.
I talked the chaplain about it and she thought I was spending too much time dwelling on past things. I agreed but was stuck in this cycle pain the because I have way too much time and think about things. Especially when I tried to go to sleep and takes an hour or so to get to sleep. She test me with homework to try to think of what God wanted me to think about and to quit dwelling on past things I could not change. I agreed this was a good idea and I have to read that Facebook site less.I also decided to change what I'm reading in the Bible the book of Philippians. If my memory serves me correctly this letter stresses being joyful in Christ regardless of exterior circumstances. I have very serious issues physically and problems that go along with that emotionally. Sometimes I feel pretty isolated but most of the time I'm fine. I became a Christian and accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior when I was 25. Except for some dark times in 2009 I can say I've never felt alone because he is always with me. I don't do him justice putting these old memories circle around in my brain and affected my outlook. I started reading Philippians today and is very hard to read it without being uplifted and feeling the joy that the apostle Paul promotes it. Rejoice, I say rejoice. I know I have a lot of physical issues and just when I get used to the ideas of what's going on with them they seem to morph on me and I have a new set of things to deal with. I main caregiver is my wife and I try as hard as I can to be a light burden on her rather than a heavy burden. Since she works really hate having to wake her up after she's gone to sleep. Problem is she goes asleep a lot earlier than me. Another problem is that as I get settled in it takes 20 minutes to half an hour for me to know if is a comfortable working the situation. Temperature is a big issue. We set the thermostat at the same temp. One night I have to wake her up because I'm cold and I need that covers pulled up on my shoulders. Then last night same covers, same temperature and I have to wake her up at 130 because I am cooking and being overwhelmed by the heat. I really don't get the swings in temperature. It is then that I really really really wish my arms move to so I could move the covers down. So far she is been unbelievable supporting me. One of my big fears is I will burn her out.
Jordyn is another thing. She rarely listens to me or shows me affection unless she is with my wife and I. The other day it kept telling her how sweet she was and I wish my legs moved so I could play with her. I can tell she loves to be chased. Sometimes she will get a paper plate or napkin and she will go to the center of the living room. Her hope is that my wife will chase her. If somebody goes for the paper she will start running from one account to the other and then tear past them and run down the hall. And she cares back down the hall and runs around the living room. When she is outside a lot of times she won't come in and I know she wants somebody to run in the snow and chase her. I kept telling her that I would love to do that but I can't. For some reason seem to understand and now she shows me a little more affection and she does consume me when I tell her to a little bit when somebody's of the door for my wife comes home. She used to go bark at the door trying to hurry them now just calm her down by saying just wait hun they are coming in. Now when she comes back when my wife tease me she will lay down sideways with her head on my leg and sometimes go to sleep. I tell my wife that I know she's playing me open get a bite of my food at the end my wife says that's not going to work on me and I say is on me. She knows how to play me. All I have to go now I'm starting to have to correct too many times that I'm out of breath. Take care dear one.

Miscellaneous posts

One thing I forgot to mention yesterday was that I started listening to podcasts of the old mysteries that were made before TV. They give me something to listen to when I'm tired of holding my head up to watch Amazon videos. If anyone has suggestions for other podcasts please let me know. I'm not sure if these mysteries help me sleep are not. They are full of dramatic music that just pops up as the plot goes. They give me one other option out something to do in bed. This voice software is supposed to learn my voice but it does not seem to. There are quite a number of things that it can never ever post right. One of them is delete that. That is supposed to remove last thing I said. A large share of the time it does not match what I say so I have to say the remove command and mentioned earlier. Most of the time when I say that command it reads me what I just dictated. And never does it the first time but reads me what I just dictated. Sometimes it is once and sometimes it takes five times. The strangest one is that I will say delete that and it will bring up the print screen which confuses me. How can possibly get print out of the word delete. I know my speech is getting worse especially with my trigeminal pain is on a rampage but some of the time like today is not. It's weird that I find I have to humor a software. When I worked I spend much of my time humoring people and asked for ridiculous things. It seems like a traded work frustrations for software frustrations. I guess I can't escape dealing with frustrations by now working anymore.
Yesterday my neck pain went crazy. I think I pulled a muscle in my neck when Matt put me back in bed after lunch. I remember trying to lift my head and feeling a pain in the right side of my neck. It just kept getting worse and by the time I went to bed none of my cervical support pillows would work. I'm allowed to take one morphine between lunch and bedtime. I only do it if my neck hurts. I had the lidocaine put on my neck three times last evening. It wasn't until bedtime that all this stuff started working. Around 1 o'clock I was finally able to fall sleep. I got my wife of out of her bed about three times last night but did not wake her after she went to sleep. I call that a win but she probably sees it as still a frustration. I being a pest. Like Popeye said "I am what I am and that's all that I am". That gained a life philosophy from cartoons I watch as a kid. Sometimes I think I am a little strange and sometimes I know I'm a lot strange. Thank you again for reading my blog. Have a great weekend.

Paradigm shift and other updates

It is getting it more and more difficult to post. Every Windows update, about two weeks, slows my computer down even more. This makes dictating slower and much more difficult to correct because by voice is a little worse than before. But the main reason for this post about a mental change have faced this week. A few months ago the wound doctor, and I like her a lot, told me I skin was failing and could no longer heal itself. She recommended hospice and I found out hospice is not just care of terminal people. After the wound doctor we had a visit from a palliative care nurse and along with what she said and the doctor told me and what I knew about my condition I felt I had months to live rather than years. I am at risk of pneumonia because of that diaphragm problems caused by MS and now I had danger of infection and if it made it back to my blood I would have weeks to live. Though spiritually I'm ready to go home to be with Jesus at a time. My wife and sons discussed the other aspects of me being quickly terminal. I no longer want to be treated or go to the hospital so a of these things would probably be terminal. Now I am finding out by pressure sore on my bottom is healing up and much of his closed up now. There is still an open spot triangular-shaped a little larger than a quarter. I spent very little time in my chair and I believe that is helping a lot to. Wound on my leg is getting better but not healing as well as the pressure sore. I talked to the hospice nurse yesterday and she told me that I would not get kicked out of hospice because I had other pain issues to deal with. Now I am realizing that I'm back to thinking years before I pass rather than months. I felt like emotionally my wife and sons that I have accepted my passing and now we have change mental states. This is feeling very hard to do because we were ready and now it's hard to think about.
I trigeminal pain is come back rather strangely. Came back on the right side of my face but toward the front. Each day would be different some days it will be the top and some days would be in the bottom. Some days it would include my gums and some days it would not. In a couple of days ago it was all over the roof of my mouth and both sides of my gums and lower side of my right gums. It is back to transferring to from side to side with just a touch. It throbbed and pulsed. I've been trying to decrease the medication that helps the because it affects my enzyme balance. I was just about ready to drop one the day and the pain came back. Some days it seems like I can't catch a break. This is really hard on my wife because she can't do anything to help. Now after increasing the medication for a couple of days the pain is dulled a little. My neck pain is probably a little worse. Couple of days recently the pain is been about 10. I use Aspercreme with lidocaine and that has helped but recently I have been needing more than once a day. Also I have been getting these weird cramp like pains in my left leg. The medical aids have been rubbing rubbing it with icy hot. The weirdest thing is that I get this pain the top of my foot and the top of my toes but not the side or bottom.
There are some new things that were on the positive side time forgetting them now. One thing is that Jordyn has been listening to me. I sweettalk her and tell her I like her. She seems to understand something. I tell her that I wish I could my arms and legs side to play with her especially outside in the snow. No one will play with her the snow and she wants somebody chase her around but nobody will. Poor little puppy. Lacey has dumped me. She hasn't gotten up on the bed on top of m for six days now. I called to her when she walks by and's just keeps on going. Oh well I have to take what I can get. Maybe Jordyn will start spending time with me when my wife is at work. I think she is afraid if she is not in the living room she will miss something that is interesting. One thing that has been a plus is that with hospice I get some home medical aid where they come and get me dressed and feed me breakfast in my power chair. This has lower the stress on my wife some. I am glad because it's hard to work full-time, take care of me full time and take care of Jordyn.
I can think of anything more to post. My memory is gotten very spotty. I will call my wife to come back and she'll say just a minute and by the time she comes back I will have forgotten what I wanted. I forget what I'm talking about in the middle of a conversation and I feel odd because of it. All the of the people I talked to are very tolerant. So I will sign off now and thank you again for reading and God bless you.

Jordan the sweetie pie

While I am in bed at night before I go to sleep, sometimes up to an hour, I think about things to post on my blog. Unfortunately when I go to post I have forgotten most of them. So instead of a serious post you get cat and dog stories. I memory is really starting to get bad. I talked to my sister on the phone over the weekend. Asked how her husband and was we talked about him and his plans to retire completely. He retired John Deere years ago and after three weeks with no work he became so bored that he has been working part-time ever since. At the end of the call even though we had discussed in my name earlier I could remember his name and I said to tell her husband that I said goodbye. It felt kind of weird to forget his name that quickly. I often have to ask my wife and I asked her a question if I had already asked her this a few minutes ago. I guess I learned years ago that MS "is what it is" and I'm just along for the ride now. Just one more thing my wife to worry about, yea.
The problem is story is about Jordyn. I have mentioned how sweet she can be. I have two fairly regular aids that get me dressed and put me in my chair, drive me to the living room, I just me for the PC table, get me coffee and feed me breakfast. One of the aides is not a pet person. Jordyn has made her love to cuddle with her before she leaves. She Goes home and tells her kids about the sweet dog. Her kids ask her why they can not get a dog. She tells them that Jordyn is very special and they probably would find one as sweet. I have told the aides that Jordyn's motto is "there is a sucker born every minute". The other aid has three German shepherds so she is used to her tricks.
Just to mention computer problems, my voice software bombed out and I lost the rest of this story is so now I tried to re-create it. I have been having problems with my smile mouse, when I talked to my voice software the cursor jumps all over the place and I never know unless I am paying close attention where it ends up, so bear with me. I have a raspy voice today and that seems to affect the voice software. To continue the story:
not long after the aides were gone the nurse came along with her trainee. Jordyn was pretty calm today. I think because she has on her bark collar which is a story in itself. We had one originally that when she barked it shocked her strong enough that she yelped when it went off. When she Yelped it then set off again and this started a circular thing with Jordyn. My wife chased her down because she was running around terrified. When she caught her she took the collar off and held her till she calmed down. I know my wife didn't want to ever use that again but I'm the one who has to listen to her bark for hours before my wife comes home. I told her that I didn't want her to ever wear that one again. It seemed a little cruel and I agreed that my wife that we didn't want her to wear that again. So to continue the two nurses came take my wound dressing on my calf.
Recently my wife purchased a different type of bark collar. The shock is much lighter and she can ignore it if she wants. The other night started barking at the window for my wife to come home. She barked six times and then she decided he would go lay down instead. I think this collar is just enough to annoy her and not really hurt her. So far we like this one and I hope it keeps working like it has.
The trainee nurse got down on the floor to hold my heel up while the nurse cleaned out and put new dressing on the wound. While the trainee was down there Jordyn was attached to her and was so sweet. I think when people like that visit they end up wishing they could stay and hangout with the dog. After the nurse pushed back from dressing my wound Jordyn went over to her, put her paws on her leg and put her head up to hug and get hugged. She took this to mean that it was okay for her to climb up on the nurses lap like she does with my wife's sister who visits each week. It is so funny to see a 60 pound lapdog. She is such an affectionate dog. She is very easy to love even if she is annoying other times.
I am running out of breath now. And I'm saying things two to six times to my voice software and many times needing the use the virtual keyboard. Is very tiring. I will sign off now and thank you again you reader.

Neck pain update and more

It is amazing how much different an outlook one can have with out continuous 24/7 pain. My neck pain when it was continuous turned me into a blubbering baby. Yesterday my neck pain starting to abate. I think I had a stomach bug from Sunday until yesterday. I have found that when I get a cold or stomach bug it always makes my neck ache. I have had neck problems since I was in a car accident When I was 20 (I went off the road no collision with a car just a driveway embankment into a farm field). Numerous doctors have looked at it and found nothing with my spine and so have never found anything. I just have pain and have found that Aspercreme with lidocaine helps the most. When I get a fever or a virus nothing helps the pain. So continuous pain for anyone who has it understand what I mean. It tends to wear you down emotionally.
Don't get me wrong. I am and I think my wife is prepared spiritually for my passing. I don't think either of us can be emotionally prepared look part of me looks forward to getting out of this useless body and part of me of the want to leave my wife and others who care about me. This disease has changed my view of the day to day faith and the Bible teaches about. I don't believe anything can change my core faith in Jesus as my God and Savior. Jesus died for me and no matter what I go through and know this is true. The faith the Bible teaches is in two parts. One is the saving faith one has in the work of Jesus on the cross where he suffered and died for sinners who accept him. This software is to "whosoever will". There is another faith the Bible teaches about and that is faith at the troubles and trials we go through we learn of his character and he helps us in this how we learn more of God's character. There are many who mix up the two. Paul writes to Timothy of "rightly dividing the word of truth". This implies there are divisions God's word. There are so many good churches so much good ministry available and that Christian needs guidance to help with this understanding about how God's word is divided.
Well that's about all I have to say the day. I voice software and my voice are clicking today so I am able to post stuff. All I have left is a couple pet reports. There are many more stories that I don't have time to mention. Lacy the female cat is been sleeping either on my lap are between my legs almost every night three weeks. It is nice to have a little bit of companionship since I no longer available to sleep in the same bed as my wife. This hospital bed I have pretty comfy but I miss her terribly. Is pretty frustrating that I can't even move my covers and I get cold or hot and I have to wake her out. Last night was an example she had just gone to sleep I realized my shoulders were too cold. I had to decide to I wake up now wait for a couple hours. I decided now was better and I never woke her again so I think that it was a good decision.
Yesterday night my wife, me ready for bed and as I was settling in Lacey got comfy on my lap. Jordyn jumped up on the bed because she is just a jealous little girl and doesn't want the kitties to get any attention. Once my wife leaves the dog never comes back to see me but she could when the kitty was on me. I yelled at her get down and then my wife started calling her she finally got down without poking the a cat with her nose which is how she makes the competition leave so she gets all the attention. She is a pretty sweet dog or a very annoying dog. Not much in between. When she is sweet she is unbelievably sweet. I'm running out of wind so I'll sign off now and thank you for reading my blog. God bless you dear reader.

Rough week

Sorry I'm not able to post much this week. At seven problems and neck aches off the charts along with my trigeminal pain. I spend a lot of time wishing I was home with Jesus. Keep waking up in the mornings. Is will is better than mine. I hope I am able to post more next week. I've also had a low grade fever each evening.