It is getting it more and more difficult to post. Every Windows update, about two weeks, slows my computer down even more. This makes dictating slower and much more difficult to correct because by voice is a little worse than before. But the main reason for this post about a mental change have faced this week. A few months ago the wound doctor, and I like her a lot, told me I skin was failing and could no longer heal itself. She recommended hospice and I found out hospice is not just care of terminal people. After the wound doctor we had a visit from a palliative care nurse and along with what she said and the doctor told me and what I knew about my condition I felt I had months to live rather than years. I am at risk of pneumonia because of that diaphragm problems caused by MS and now I had danger of infection and if it made it back to my blood I would have weeks to live. Though spiritually I'm ready to go home to be with Jesus at a time. My wife and sons discussed the other aspects of me being quickly terminal. I no longer want to be treated or go to the hospital so a of these things would probably be terminal. Now I am finding out by pressure sore on my bottom is healing up and much of his closed up now. There is still an open spot triangular-shaped a little larger than a quarter. I spent very little time in my chair and I believe that is helping a lot to. Wound on my leg is getting better but not healing as well as the pressure sore. I talked to the hospice nurse yesterday and she told me that I would not get kicked out of hospice because I had other pain issues to deal with. Now I am realizing that I'm back to thinking years before I pass rather than months. I felt like emotionally my wife and sons that I have accepted my passing and now we have change mental states. This is feeling very hard to do because we were ready and now it's hard to think about.
I trigeminal pain is come back rather strangely. Came back on the right side of my face but toward the front. Each day would be different some days it will be the top and some days would be in the bottom. Some days it would include my gums and some days it would not. In a couple of days ago it was all over the roof of my mouth and both sides of my gums and lower side of my right gums. It is back to transferring to from side to side with just a touch. It throbbed and pulsed. I've been trying to decrease the medication that helps the because it affects my enzyme balance. I was just about ready to drop one the day and the pain came back. Some days it seems like I can't catch a break. This is really hard on my wife because she can't do anything to help. Now after increasing the medication for a couple of days the pain is dulled a little. My neck pain is probably a little worse. Couple of days recently the pain is been about 10. I use Aspercreme with lidocaine and that has helped but recently I have been needing more than once a day. Also I have been getting these weird cramp like pains in my left leg. The medical aids have been rubbing rubbing it with icy hot. The weirdest thing is that I get this pain the top of my foot and the top of my toes but not the side or bottom.
There are some new things that were on the positive side time forgetting them now. One thing is that Jordyn has been listening to me. I sweettalk her and tell her I like her. She seems to understand something. I tell her that I wish I could my arms and legs side to play with her especially outside in the snow. No one will play with her the snow and she wants somebody chase her around but nobody will. Poor little puppy. Lacey has dumped me. She hasn't gotten up on the bed on top of m for six days now. I called to her when she walks by and's just keeps on going. Oh well I have to take what I can get. Maybe Jordyn will start spending time with me when my wife is at work. I think she is afraid if she is not in the living room she will miss something that is interesting. One thing that has been a plus is that with hospice I get some home medical aid where they come and get me dressed and feed me breakfast in my power chair. This has lower the stress on my wife some. I am glad because it's hard to work full-time, take care of me full time and take care of Jordyn.
I can think of anything more to post. My memory is gotten very spotty. I will call my wife to come back and she'll say just a minute and by the time she comes back I will have forgotten what I wanted. I forget what I'm talking about in the middle of a conversation and I feel odd because of it. All the of the people I talked to are very tolerant. So I will sign off now and thank you again for reading and God bless you.
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