More Monday morning

I’m in bed late on Mondays and it is usually the day I listen to sermons from Faith Bible Church here in Cedar Rapids. I have to admit I have fallen behind. When my son Tom is home I get up at a normal time on Mondays and so I miss listening. I’m about a month behind.

Today I was listening to one from the end of August. In this sermon pastor Steve mentioned me and quoted from my blog. I was very touched. I also have to say it was as if he was talking about somebody else.

I have had this disease for a long time without knowing it clear back to 1999. I have known something was wrong with me as far back as 2006. I was diagnosed in 2009. Even with all these years battling the disease I still do not view myself as being ill. When I think about it seems like somebody else and not me. When I picture myself it is always hiking, biking or kayaking. Most often it is with one of my sons. That is my individual view so when the disease is brought firmly to my attention it seems like it is someone else it happened to.

Maybe that’s denial. Maybe that’s one way of looking at it. I really don’t know. It is how I deal with it though. I’ve always dealt with this disease with denial and prayer. I deny it has any power over me until it forces itself into my thinking and then I pray. I’m sure it should do it the other way around but I am what I am. Maybe someday I’ll learn to pray first. I am not young anymore but I know I still have many lessons to learn!