strange disease

The strangeness of this disease (progressive MS) still amazes me. I’m pretty sure one could never make up the symptoms we deal with. As an example, Monday and Tuesday morning I dealt with quite a few spasms in the morning before my wife got me up. One spasm leads my legs to both pull up and shake. It actually feels good for my legs to move. When I finally get them back down and straight then they spasm and jackknife out. Then they shake. This is not very comfortable and I fear my calves will cramp but so far they haven’t. Another spasm is in my shoulders and back. The spasm leads both shoulders to go toward each other and my neck and back curl up like a fetal position. My arms go out and shake.

These disturb the cat more than me. She is usually asleep on my hip, legs or stomach. The spasms make her annoyed and she leaves. The things this poor cat has to deal with! I also noticed Monday and Tuesday morning my right arm and shoulder were stiffer than normal. My right hand and pointer finger did not work very well. I thought perhaps I was getting too warm and toasty under the covers. So today when my wife got up to go to work at six-ish I took the blanket off me so only the sheet remained.

I awoke this morning to many less spasms. My shoulders, arms and right hand were more pliable. Maybe I was getting too warm in the mornings. One of the issues is “who knows”. Too many times there is no rhyme or reason to the symptoms. One day can be one way and the next day different. The engineer in me thinks the disease should manifest the same symptoms all the time or not at all. Strange disease. So many diseases are worse so I try not to feel sorry for myself. Self-pity is my enemy, that I’m sure of.

I can still function enough to be home by myself. This is a great blessing to me. I can still maneuver during the day. I can still run my iPad. Most days I can run my PC. These are not without frustration but I’m glad I can still function somewhat. Most times I feel like the Black Knight in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. That was one of my all-time favorite movies. After losing both legs and arms in a battle to protect his forest he yells at the other knights “come back you cowards I’ll bite your legs off”. He wasn’t a very good fighter but he was no quitter.

Thank you for reading this and I hope to post more in the future.