I want to thank anyone who is posted and uplifting comment on Facebook. I thought I should try to maybe be a little more honest. With the MS I have I'm constantly grieving the loss of some ability. It seems be a never-ending cycle of grief, and then accept and adapt. I don't think there's a way to adapt to losing the use of my right hand and so my grief as been overwhelming.
In the mornings I started out in a good mood and can use my right hand a little bit. By evening both of my hands become almost useless and my wife asked to do everything for me. This has been pretty hard for me to deal with and in the evenings I am filled with despair. I tried to project a positive outlook on my website but I want you all to know that most evenings I struggle with depression and despair. This makes it difficult on my caregivers. I'm so sick of being a burden to those around me. I know they find it frustrating and I find it more than frustrating and long for the day when I will be read of this "body of corruption". But I just wanted to give a balanced view of my disease and condition.
This last weekend I was especially a burden to my caregivers emotionally. Here it is Monday morning and like most mornings renewed somehow in spirit.
I am grieving also for my friend Regis who has been experiencing MS hugs. This is where it's like a band around your chest and stomach area and it makes breathing hard and fills people with terror and anxiety. I have not experienced this phenomenon except maybe once. I feel for Regis and hope he gets some relief somehow. Of course there is no medical cure but I know God's overall.
No comments:
Post a Comment