The other day I posted "the other side of the story". Remember Paul Harvey. I was afraid that people were getting the wrong idea about me and looking up to me like I was I was a good role model. I don't feel like I am. My caregivers are the ones who inspire me and they are role models. As far as it goes for me there are times when I feel like I know why God has allowed this to happen to me. It bothers me that I'm such a burden. I have trouble communicating my needs and this is frustrating.
I became a Christian and accepted the Lord Jesus as my God and Savior when I was 25. Outwardly I was not really that bad but inwardly I remember. Was full of anger and vileness it came out so many times is swearing and cursing. When I drank I became a very obnoxious person, worse when I was sober. Looking back I don't know why my friend Mark stuck with me and my friend Dave save me from really stupid things. The girl is my wife now saw through this somehow. He finally had enough of my terrible behavior when I was drunk that she put her foot down and gave me an ultimatum. I "quit drinking" for about the 10th time. They knew she was serious and I knew that my drinking pattern would be the same as before. I would start out not drinking and that I would think all I can handle one. One would lead to three, you would lead the five and that I would back like I was before. I held on because I didn't want to lose her friend knew in my heart I was let down the same road. I started reading the Bible and after a while, while reading Proverbs, realize that book was really from God. I tried to stop cursing along my drinking. No amount of trying by me was going to work. I found myself slipping back into old habits and was terrified because I didn't want to lose her. I finally cried out to Jesus to save me from myself and he faithfully did that. Fast-forward, I married that girl, and have three wonderful sons, I love being a father spending time with them, and not drink for over 20 years.
I had to remove my computer so I lost my train of thought. Will do my best to complete this. So when I think of people who inspire me I think of my caregivers. I difficult the communication and my frustration of the problems this causes I have ended up cursing a lot more than before. I realize afterwords that I'm either cursing at myself. I do not direct these toward my caregivers. After I curse words I feel ashamed. I know deep down that God has saved me from myself. I know still that same angry young man that I was all those years ago. So if you're going to find inspiration you can find it more in my caregivers and in me. I so hope to post a piece of ministry I found the other day it is taking longer to reduce it down something that fits on my blog. If it's not this week it will be next week. Can no longer select large block of text and delete it. Either can go by each line or each letter but if I try to get a large portion I get the whole thing. Thank you again to read my blog God bless you.
No comments:
Post a Comment