Crisis of faith

I have often mentioned my faith on this blog. I probably should talk about it again. While I couldn't post for a while because I couldn't talk is of my trigeminal pain in a couldn't see very well because of the high dose of pain medication for my trigeminal. It is nonnarcotic pain medication but is supposed to work on my trigeminal. All it did was take the pain from being off the charts to being on the chart I get nine or 10 when I chewed, swallowed or talked. I tried going off let and that is how I know what it did for me. Now I fed my radiology procedure I have dropped from 10 pills to age. My vision improved and I had a little pain come back but he gets better each day. The trigeminal procedure may take months to fully work. I can't wait to get off this medication is messing up my vision today. Not as bad as before but I'm having trouble reading things on my PC. Some apps I can change the text size and some I can't. I hope this post is understandable. I'm trusting my voice software but this is still a little wacky what it thinks I said. Sometimes it will put a word in correctly and does not call then two minutes later no amount of talking will put that same word in. I can use of virtual keyboard but the one I can read is huge and covers up what I want to write. I can make it smaller but that is too small to read. There is no in between which would be the best. I just have to learn to live with what I have. I have told people that if I could I would pounding on the walls or throw things. Then I realize if I could do that it wouldn't be using this software.
Back to my crisis of faith. A while back I got really down about the effects of this disease and the pain from trigeminal. I still have to say I do not understand the why of this even though I doubted the Lord because of my disease I was held on to the fact that I know that God is good, that he loves me and he wants the best for me. Sometimes this made me mad because you don't understand how being dependent on my wife and others is best for me. But even through these times I remembered the cross and now that proves God's love for me. Well I'm running out of energy so I will sign off for now. Never forget that God loves you and that is proven out by the cross of Christ.