Last week – synopsis

Last week was up and down like almost all of them are. I have varying days of acceptance of my paralysis. Lately it seems like I vision problems very from day to day and I still have not decided there from the trigeminal prescription or from the MS. I'm still on the trigeminal medication without significantly. Last week I vision was spot on Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday I couldn't focus both eyes on the same thing and my vision was bouncing. Usually gets better as the day goes on my last week on Monday and Thursday I did not. Friday it was somewhere in between.
Some part of me thinks last week is not so bad the other part of me struggles against the whole MS situation. Most weekends seem to be especially difficult because that for my wife and I feel the biggest changes in our lives. Sunday is especially difficult day for me. As I cannot get up because required sleep I missed church on Sundays. A few years ago I could drive myself but now I require someone else to get up early and make me get up, get me dressed and go with me. I do not have this done for me because I'm afraid I will fall asleep in the service. I'm 99% sure I would and I would feel like it was too much effort. I listen to every sermon on my PC. I usually fall sleep during the playback and I pick up the next day for I left off. This would seem extremely rude if I did it in person but it works for me. When I get caught up I listened to legacy sermons. Since my memory is not so good I can read listen to them and that is what I'm doing because I listened to all of them.
Itching has also gotten very bad and I have to wake my wife some nights the dozen times. We have tried a number of different lotions and cortisone lotions but it always comes back. I take Benadryl and that helps somewhat that sometimes he itching is on the inside of my skin I cut my arm and it won't go away. It tends to make me somewhat insane and I think a great torture method would be to cover someone with itching powder and bind there arms. I want so bad to scratch stop myself but my arms and fingers just won't do it anymore. I used to be able to sort of moved my torso back and forth and get some relief when in bed. My body no longer responds. Now my left arm and started itching from my elbow to my knuckles. Just my left arm. I tried not to think of the why because there isn't one. MS is a cruel taskmaster. I used to be able to find a workaround but no more. It has got me and devastated me. My moods at best are just a difference in my attitude is "yeah whatever". So when I talk about mood swings because of that to which the guy was not in this body anymore. I know that bothers my caregivers especially when I express this desire and wish someone would help me. It is illegal in the state of Iowa. I usually wake up feeling okay, not great but okay. By the end of the day is when it kicks in. So the moods drop as the day progresses. Used to be I look forward to getting out of bed and at the end of the day look forward to going to bed thinking out of the chair. Now I no longer look forward to any of them and would take it by the third option but I can't.
I tried to think that last week was not so bad since I had no major issues were am just tired and tired of being tired of this disease and the symptoms that seem especially severe compared to anyone else I know that has it also. One day the dog last week infuriated me and Friday we tried to take her out to outdoor music in the park and had bad results. Perhaps I will post about them later in the week. This post seems especially wordy and says so little. Maybe I have a career that I'm missing where I write garbage it is "click bait". So little of what I read is supposed to be news is much more than the headline. The article seems to add very little to what the headline said. I hope real good week dear reader and God bless you.