Not a good attitude

Recently I have gotten involved with some nursing care and medical tech care due to my series of wounds that won't heal and probably never will according to the wound doctor. My ceiling lift seems to be a big deal to them. They are used to what is called a Hoyer lift and is as if they'd ever seen a ceiling lift before. Yesterday they had to Techs come out and my wife showed them how to use it. Today several people came out and it had to be okay by the physical therapist. Of course my wounds including the one of my bottom add to be examined and shown to everyone. I was to have questions and is very hard to talk so I wore me out. We are doing this mainly so my wife does I have to come out every day. To being totally honest I find this process exhausting. This entire disease has pretty much worn me out. I have given up on any idea that I will improve physically. This has also affected by outlook and I can't say is very good anymore. I feel like a horse that is been put away wet. I feel like a mule has been beaten and the only relief is going to sleep. I wake up to another day of the same thing. Lately it has felt like the heavens are made of iron. I have read that this is common in many Christian's lives. I know longer think the Lord will let me out of this and unless I take it one day at a time it overwhelms me thinking of years of this cycle. Many days I cannot wait for bedtime and sleep. When I wake the next day I just think that here we go again. I have some optimism in the mornings but by evening is gone. I cannot allow myself to think that this could go on and the same cycle for years. Well enough of my whining I will sign off now.